Almost 6 weeks post surgery!

And I feel great. The battle is almost over, folks. I'm back to eating normal things without nausea or other side effects (yay!) and this week I started to add some more activity into my life, with a goal of starting to teach Zumba again in June. This time of healing has been very hard on me. I've never been forced to rest and be still so much so it's been quite the emotional battle and growth opportunity

I'm enjoying days with my little Lincoln bug, but also reflecting on the life of Larry Maybee, Tavis' grandpa that passed away suddenly this week after finding out he had cancer less than a month ago.  Hug the ones you love and cherish your days because we never know what tomorrow on this earth holds!  

Bye bye pancreatitis and gallbladder!

One month ago I started this blog and I've definitely come a long way in my health and recovery! I've been able to do most of my normal activities (except working out) but just eating a very low fat diet to not overwork the pancreas. Since releasing me from the hospital the doctors have been monitoring my pancreatitis progress with blood tests and I also had an MRI two days ago. Results are... "Your MRCP was normal,  your pancreatitis is completely resolved. No gallstones on the MRCP so you likely passed it between the 2 scans & no fluid collection either.  You are good to go as soon as you heal" wow that is awesome news! This means the necrosis on my pancreas is gone and it re-formed itself! Although the pancreatitis is gone, I'm still taking it easy on my pancreas since it took such a huge blow last month. But eventually I plan to add more foods back into my diet and add more activity in too. My goal is to get back to teaching Zumba in 4-6 months. At this point in time I feel exhausted and weak, but they said my energy should start to come back in 4-6 weeks. Resting and not doing much physical activity has been the hardest on me, because you know me, I'm a busybody!

Yesterday Dr. Tanwani took out my gallbladder and the surgery went great! They started around 2pm and I arrived back home at 5:45pm. I cant believe how fast it went, but I guess I was sleeping or sleepy most of the time! One of the things I was dreading most was the anesthesia but it was a smooth transition and not scary at all. (just made me nauseous for the evening) And boy was I out of it last night! Dr. said that he saw some stones in the gallbladder so we were all happy to get that thing out of there. They said at my pre-op that when I left the hospital I would be at pain level 4, but I would rate it more like a 5, with spikes up to 7 or so when my pain meds wore off. I've been taking the Vicodin so today I'm feeling like the pain is managed much better! I just can't drive or do much for the next 5 days so besides church on Sunday, I'm just going to lay around and watch the show Prison Break on Netflix :) Before the surgery I had imagined that the incisions would be the most sore, but I am actually hurting way worse on the inside and I have referred pain in my shoulders as well. Please continue to pray for my recovery, and that no other health flukes come my way!

Here are three of the four incisions. - I can't believe an organ squeezed through this tiny 1 inch hole!

We have some friends whose baby boy is in the hospital right now. Today Tracie posted a status update that reflects my thoughts in my medical situation exactly:

"It's incredibly overwhelming and humbling and comforting to be loved by Christ through our community of friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, and complete strangers. To have people step in and walk this road with us and carry our burdens practically, and most of all prayerfully.

What a testament of being the hands and feet of Jesus. We are eternally grateful for all of it! We pray for each of you, that you would be drawn closer to The Lord as you're being used to minister to us during this time!!"

Perspective

This year I feel like I spent the whole holiday season in the hospital and missed out on a lot. But really, so what? I shouldn't spend any time pouting about missed Christmas traditions and parties because actually I'm not robbed of a single thing with eternal significance. The celebration of baby Jesus is alive and well. I'm breathing. I'm alive. God has a plan for me. I feel so overwhelmed by love I could cry on the spot... The moment I called my family and let them know Tavis needed to take me to the ER for this whole ordeal, my mom didn't even think twice, she was there within minutes to help take care of things for us. I feel so incredibly thankful for my family for taking care of me, Lincoln and Tavis. It's a weird place to feel completely helpless.... but it has really helped me just to rely on God and also recognize how amazing the people around us are. 

While in the hospital my perspective changed. I didn't worry about what I looked like, how much money was in my wallet, or how many people saw me cry. It all has just really put my priorities in line. I cherish my relationships, with Christ and with others. And I have a lot to be thankful for!

---------I'M THANKFUL FOR---------

• Amazing support surrounding me - Although the circumstances suck, this sort of thing is like a bonding experience for me with friends and family. It has created a deep appreciation inside of me!
• Tavis. I do not know where to begin to list the wonderful qualities of this man and if I started talking about him I would never ever stop. I cannot tell you how many people saw how Tavis treated me, and everyone noted "you have a good man." my favorite memory in the hospital is when he got into my itty bitty bed with me and just held me tight while I whaled with tears and he cared about all of my frustrations. No one else understands me and can soothe me like he can. I can't believe I was given such an amazing spouse and partner to do life with! In sickness and in health!
• My body is beginning to heal
• My story is an opportunity to share hope
• My job (thankful for the off season)
• Our studio manager who picked up the slack while I was gone.
• Health insurance. Had this happened in first four years of marriage when I was running around insurance-less I'm not sure what we would have done. 
• Medical students, doctors and nurses in my life that have offered so much "free" and friend advice :) 

---------PRAYER REQUESTS---------

• Strength, continued healing of my pancreatitis, and that my body will be able to accept foods
• Pain will be managed and not have any more out of control flare ups 
• Transitioning,  and patience as I know I'll want to do things at home and help take care of baby but I need to take things slow and let people help me. 

The battle is not over. I'm still dealing with issues but I'm making progress everyday! Thank you for your prayers and help! Many have asked what they can do, Click here to see ways you can help.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Hopes of going home on Christmas Eve or Day

Since 2005 a couple of my high school friends and I have had a Christmas party every single year. This year was our 10th annual, so we couldn't skip it and decided to have it here in the hospital. We had some laughs, but I feel like quite a few more tears (on my part... Pain,emotions,bleh). Being uncomfortable and in the hospital room is not an ideal place for a party. I kept beating myself up over stupid things out of my control like the fact that I couldn't be very present or engaging, crying so much, I didn't get them presents, and I had to cut the party short. Oh well, when this hard time passes and I reflect on this day I still love these ladies and I appreciate them coming here to be with me!

I spent all day yesterday preparing for the party by showering (it's not in my room and I had to keep my face dry because of the tube so showering is quite the ordeal) Tavis cleaned up my room and put up Christmas lights. My friend Shannon made me a shirt that has Velcro at the top so I could wear something other than my gown and get it up over my IV and stuff. Shannon also had her sister who is a massage therapist come give me a massage which was both thoughtful and amazing. Sara has a special touch! She even massaged my back in the places I have pain... Places where Tavis had previously brushed by on my back and I accidentally yelled at him to stay away :) 

Heather and Amanda brought the Christmas to me for the party :) 

^^blurry photo, but it's just for the memory.

Two other major things happened yesterday, both somewhat to my surprise and against my will. When I got back from my shower they said they were switching me from the pain pump (which delivers meds by IV) to oral meds. It's hard to know if I'm ready for this or not because you don't know what oral meds will take care of until you try. The pain pump is nice because you can feel the effects immediately but the pills would be slower release so I would only take them every 4 hours. I was very sad to make this transition on party day, something I had been looking forward to for days. But it happened, and now I'm on oral meds. About an hour or so before the next dose I can feel it wear off and then it takes an hour before reaching it's relief potential (for me at least) so I feel like pain is managed best about half of the time. Regardless, it's one of the steps I need to go home so it is what it is!

Also after I got back from the shower they re-hooked up my feeding tube. The machine kept beeping and beeping... they tried to flush it, realized it was clogged. Doctor said because it's clogged, no longer can be used, it's gotta go. This is bad news and good news. Bad because 1) I rely on it for nutrition because I can't eat much 2) It's gotta come out... ouch 3) There's a chance the doctor might want to put another one in.... oh my word you've got to be kidding me. I simply can't handle another traumatic experience like I had putting that tube in completely conscious!! If they wanted to do it again they would have to knock me out. Or kill me. The only good thing about it being clogged and coming out is that I would be forced to try some new foods, and eating on my own is something that needs to happen before I can go home. So these two things explain a little more why I was an emotional wreck yesterday. Lots of changes in one day which brought about some pain and fear. They took the tube out and I only gagged once and it hurt my nose, but it was only about 3% as bad as it was going in.

The above were Monday updates, here are the Tuesday Updates: 

FOOD: I've been eating a lot and so far keeping it down and no new major unmanageable pains due to food. This morning I've been googling some ideas of post-pancreatitis nutrition and ideas for how to eat (The doctors prepped me on this subject but just getting ideas online too) Basically my new diet will be higher in protein and carbs, low in fat (ideally 30g per day or less). December 13th will go down in history as my last day as a normal human being that ate whatever I pleased. In my new life I will always be aware of my pancreas, what it does, and what I need to do for it. I will continue with softer foods low in fat and eventually add some more solids back in.

GETTING DISCHARGED: The doctors are saying my progress looks good and that it's hopeful I could go home tomorrow night before midnight (Wednesday, Christmas eve). If not, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Thursday but not getting my hopes of either because one thing I've learned around here is that things change fast AND I'm working with so many doctors... one may say one thing and another may think something completely different :) Today my goal is to simulate what things will be like at home, so to use as little hospital assistance as possible. I'm getting up and moving around a lot, going to the bathroom on my own, I got dressed and ready for the day (well, I did need a little help there but I'll always have Tavis at home). Later today they will disconnect me from my IV for a while to see how I do with fluid intake on my own. I'll also go on a walk and include some stairs to see how I manage since I have two flights of stairs at home.

SURGERY: The doctors gave the OK to go ahead and schedule my gallbladder surgery so I will have it removed in two weeks or so. Bummer to have to come back, but happy that I won't have gallstones anymore.

THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING: I appreciate each and every one of your gifts, cards, texts, calls, messages and comments on Facebook. Just because I can't respond to all of them doesn't mean I don't care or that I'm ignoring you! I am overwhelmed by all the love sent my way, and I even took a screenshot on my second day here because I've never had 34 texts that needed responding to before!!

Today momma sent this to me after Linc had gotten up for the day, before a feeding or anything... he just loves the changing table! And he loves Grandma's house!

Here's my first pic post-feeding tube! This morning my mom brought Lincoln up to visit and The Cobbs came as well so that our sons could meet for the first time. Heather is one of my best friends from high school and she had Ben exactly two weeks before I had Lincoln. So here are our 8 & 6 week old boys meeting for the first time! Ben is definitely winning in the big-hair-cute-cheeks department :)

So things are looking good. Prayer is powerful. My God is good to me. It's my personal prayer that my suffering will be used for His plan. Teach me, grow me, use me Lord!

James 1:2-6

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Blood Draws, Fevers, Soft Food, Seahawks, Grace

My 2013 and earlier self was extremely squeamish. I couldn't talk about anything medical related or about blood without feeling lightheaded. But this year however, I was thrown into a new non-squeamish way of life without even having an option. I have learned more about my body and the hospital this year through pregnancy and disease than all other years combined! Since the beginning of this stay they have poked me at least 50 times. I was feeling pretty cool and confident about my newfound non-squeamish capabilities, but today I had a real bad series of pokes that left me in tears. Dang! Some blood draw people are so quick and easy and painless and then others are consistently painful. When I see painful woman walk in I think "crap"!!

So there are some good things going on, and some not so good things. I'll start with the good things.

1. I kicked my fever! This was one thing they couldn't figure out, and also something they coulnd't send me home with, so that's one thing to check off the list (pray it doesn't come back)
2. My oxygen levels have been better so I don't have to wear the oxygen in the nose anymore (feeding tube still yes, just not oxygen)
3. Yesterday I was able to add some regular soft food back into my diet in addition to the feeding tube. It took me an hour an a half but I finished this soup! Before going home I have to be eating completely on my own, so everything I can get down without getting sick or throwing up is progress in the right direction. I just don't want my pancreas to have to work too hard so I feel scared to eat too much. Pray for me and this fear.
4. I got to see my baby again last night!!!

My sister Haley sent me this picture when she was watching him.... 

....Lincoln thinks he's a reindeer.

We watched the Seahawks last night on the world's smallest hospital TVs. 

What an awesome game!!!

Here's the harder part to talk about. It's day 10 in the hospital so I feel like there is a sadness setting in that I'm having a hard time fighting off. Pray for me. I find myself just crying often and it's hard to shake. I try as hard as I can to be positive, but it's just a very lonely, limiting place to be stuck in. Nights are especially hard. Because of the feeding tube I can't lay down past 30% so there aren't many ways for me to sleep. I wake up often and fight off the poor me syndrome in the middle of the night, but I'm not going to lie, I really miss my bed and I really miss Tavis on the nights he doesn't stay here. (He can't get any sleep here so has to go home) Sometimes when I feel so weak, worried and insufficient.... singing this song helps. I can remember many times throughout this stay where I'm in so much pain, just praying for the moments to pass quicker, crying out to God for help. It's a calming song and a great reminder of his grace. I hope it encourages you wherever you're at today as well:

   

Making the best of the feeding tube situation

I haven't officially taken a bite of food in 9 days.... liquids and feeding tube only. So instead, I get to pretend that my oatmeal colored goop that goes into my tube is anything I want it to be! I can close my eyes and say "MMMM!!! Macaroni and cheese!!" My inspiration? Willy Wonka. Watch this video and replace the word "gum" with "feeding tube" 

Tavis' Technology Observations

“I love technology” name that movie? (Answer at bottom). No but really, I am a nerd and technology really fascinates me. So Amy has lots of wires and technology all around her. All this stuff helps Amy a ton, but makes it very hard for her to move around and do anything really.

• Oxygen – Helps her keep her oxygen saturation up because of the pressure the liquids are putting on the lungs it makes it hard to breath. Also it hurts to take a deep breath
• Humidification – This is hooked into the Oxygen so the inside of her nose does not get so raw.
• Feeding machine thingy – This pumps food from a milk carton thing through her tube and into her.
• IV pump & Antibiotic pump – This is also giving Amy the fluids she needs and antibiotics she needs.
• Heart monitor & Oxygen Stat – This Machine has a thing that hooks to Amy’s finger and monitors her heart rate and her Oxygen saturation.
• PCA machine – This little baby gives her the big gun pain meds she needs as she needs it. She has a little button she can push every 10 mins then it locks her out for 10 mins. (Only she can push it because it is a good way to monitor how much she needs for her pain. When she is sleeping I really want to push it for her but I can’t and I know it’s only a matter of time before she wakes up in pain.)

In all she has 4 cords attached to her at all times. One in the nose, one at the nose, one attached to her finger and an IV in her wrist. And I guess you could count the pain med button as a 5^th because she always keeps it close by. So all you hear is pumping sounds from a few machines and it seems one of them starts beeping for one reason or another all the time.

Answer: Napoleon Dynamite... song by Kip Dynamite "I love Technology"